i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize