I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
