This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
