i wish my penis had a tongue
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
