The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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