I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
