i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
