And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
