Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
