I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
and you fell through a lawn chair
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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