Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
