I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
