I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
