Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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