sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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