walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
