You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
