cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
