just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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