just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
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