I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
