I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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