I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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