When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
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my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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