i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize