I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
