she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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