I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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