I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just pee around me
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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