I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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