pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
