Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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