You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
