I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
