At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
me + whiskey = a bad person
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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