He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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