you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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