I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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