Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
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at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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