I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
