just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
