I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Randomize
