his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
