There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
