Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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