I think I died a long time ago.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
