sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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