It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
