Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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