How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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