I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
