i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
