Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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