im about as happy as oj after his trial
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
