I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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