i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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