last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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