All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
