I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
