I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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